If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
