Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
