My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
