He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
