The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
