First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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