there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
