I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
