Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
