Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just found puke in my bra..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
