Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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