The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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