just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Come see our sink grown plant.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
