Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is Oprah even human
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
