and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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