guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she looked like the before picture.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
