so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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