also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
