My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
