Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
