My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
