we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
