This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
