Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
