i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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