went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So vagazzling was a success
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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