He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
