Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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