I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
