I met the friendliest cop last night
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
