You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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