you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
