Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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