there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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