Me. At least after what I've been through.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
