Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
