saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
