cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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