the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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