if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
