If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
