Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Boobs speak an international language.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
