When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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