i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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