I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
