very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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