sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
