My room smells like vodka and shame
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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