Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
