Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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