I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
